Speed Queen: Milwaukee's Own BBQ Royalty

I actually wasn't sure exactly how to approach a review for Speed Queen, as the restaurant has both a fervently devoted following, but also a sort of legendary position in the city: it is a bridge, an icon of soul food; but with a sort of percarious position with some of the city's residents.

Last week, in an effort to not get heat stroke, I had cloistered myself in my Spancrete tomb in Little Serbia, watching old episodes of This American Life on my Roku, when a story really caught my attention. Act Three was about a hot dog stand in Chicago, in the relatively fashionable Lincoln Park neighborhood. The Weiner Circle, which sounds more like a Falcon film than a restaurant, has developed a reputation among patrons for its no-holds-barred attitude after dark, with trash-talking counter clerks and insult (and sometimes hot dog) throwing customers.

This concept isn't exactly new, as Milwaukeeans may recall Ed Debevic's downtown: of course, this was an offshoot of the original location in Chicago. Debevic's was a 50's style retro-dining experience, complete with all the chrome and formica you could ever imagine. Wait staff wore costumes straight out of Hairspray, threw straws at you, hollered if you asked for a glass of water, and danced to stock 50's hits every half hour. With all of the abuse came a wink and a nod, as the customers and the staff were sort of in on a joke: it was like dinner theater. Sure, you might get the stink eye from the guy with the horn rimmed glasses, but his name wasn't really Eugene in real life. Everyone played their parts, had their fun for a few hours, and went home to relatively normal lives.

The Weiner Circle isn't like that. The staff doesn't wear costumes, doesn't assume character names, and doesn't dance to 50's music: you're more likely to hear Lil Wayne or T.I. than Buddy Holly or the Shirelles. The affluent, almost exclusively white customers frequent the restaurant late night, usually in between or after spending some quality time examining the bottom of shot glasses. They're in their 20's or 30's, drunk, mostly male, and mostly obnoxious. They spit epithets at the staff, sometimes overtly racist or sexist, and the staff responds in kind. They'll shout for a "chocolate shake," which isn't an item on the menu. The women behind the counter know that's a cue to start bouncing in time, allowing even more slurs and block-headedness from the customers depending on how much of a tip they slam down on the counter. The owners view this as a sort of ramped-up version of Debevic's, my stomach just turns listening to it. All of the things that these boys feel, all of the pent-up thoughts and prejudices, the hate and the misconceptions all start flowing like the cheap booze they consumed earlier in the evening, because someone fired the first round years and years ago, and ever since then, late-nights are fair game.

It would seem this is an opportunity for these customers to make a "safe" trip to the inner city: it's slumming it without the actual risk of a rough neighborhood. It's nauseating.

I mention this because some people treat Speed Queen in a similar fashion: an opportunity to "slum it," but without the verbal abuse or racist undercurrents. I really resent this view: Speed Queen isn't located in Fox Point or Franklin, but it's not in Cabrini-Green, either. The staff at Speed Queen is friendly and accommodating, and while there may be the occaisonal panhandler, the parking lot at Speed Queen is no more interesting than your average East Side George Webb's. For some people in the Milwaukee area, Speed Queen, and the people who love it, might seem foreign. I, however, am one of the people who love it, and can't imagine it as a trip to the other side of the tracks: it's simply part of the fabric of my city, no different than any of the other long-time fixtures I remember as a child. I'm proud of that.

Speed Queen is located at the corner of 12th and Walnut, easily accessed via 43 N, and has an vast parking lot. The majority of Speed Queen's business is takeout, so the parking comes in handy: despite the large amount of traffic, you should never find yourself short of a spot. There is also a drive through, which is fine and dandy, but provided the lobby is open, I always like to order my dinner face-to-face. The menu is straightforward but a bit cryptic to the 'cue virgin. You have your choice of meat dinners, combination dinners, or half-and-half dinners. Meat dinners are a single cut of meat, a tiny cup of coleslaw, a couple of slices of white bread, and a cornbread muffin. Combinations (Pick 3) consist of two sides and a meat. Half and Half are two half portions of meat: this is probably the best bet if you want to keep your options open.

"Meats" include (pork) ribs, (pork) rib tips, (pulled pork) shoulder, beef brisket, chicken, turkey, and the ambiguous "outside." What makes "outside" even more interesting is the caveat on the menu: "when available." Well, I'll give it to you straight, because nobody was kind enough to explain it to me: "outside" is exactly what it says: the outside "bark" of the pork shoulder, crunchy, chewy, smoky, and meaty. After smoking for half a day, the "outside" is really the prize part of the shoulder, where the smoke ring is most potent, where fat has basted the meat into oblivion. You'll notice on the menu that Outside is more expensive than regular pork shoulder: there's a reason. It's worth it.

Sides consist of what I guess would be the essential soul food accompaniments: fries, yams, black-eyed peas, greens, Mac & Cheese, red beans and rice, spaghetti, baked beans, cole slaw, and potato salad, among others. These are available in an absurd number of sizes, from 2 oz to a full pan, however, some items are not available in some sizes. For instance, fries do not come in a 2 oz or 4 oz size, but do come in an 8 oz size, but not a pint, but they do come in a pan... let the brain melt begin.

The interior of Speed Queen is spartan: the menu board, a counter to place your order, a counter to pick it up, and a few orange plastic booths:

You can always call ahead with your order, as well, but being as anal retentive that I am, I don't think it hurts to order in person. Besides, a little wait in the lobby gives you some opportunity for conversation. 

And yes, it is a little disconcerting that the counter clerks are behind two inches of Lucite. And yes, it is a cash-only affair. Get over it. Plenty of places are cash only, and plenty of places have projectile-resistant glass. This really isn't news.

One thing I found myself a little dumbfounded about was the lack of space in the dining room, especially considering the size of the building, which is actually quite huge. What, exactly, is taking up all the space? The pit, of course. Most of Speed Queen is the kitchen and the pit, which was spewing a cloud of grayish smoke as we left, making my stomach growl even louder:

We ordered almost everything we could think of, included two pints of Mac & Cheese:

Two pints of Red Beans and Rice:

And some yams:

Andy and Jim ordered a Half & Half with Ribs and Outside:

Lauren ordered a Half & Half with Tips and Shoulder:

Marcia ordered straight Ribs:

and I ordered Half & Half Tips and Outside:

And, since I thought the preponderance of porcine products was partisan (PORK!), we ordered a beef brisket sandwich to share, as well:

Our dinners included the obligatory white bread, as well as cornbread muffins. And this, dear readers, is where the story momentarily takes a turn for the worst. 

Andy had warned me that when we got our food, it was in our best interest to inspect that everything we ordered be in the bags. We saw five boxes (five dinners), all of our sides, and a bag we imagined to be the beef sandwich. 

Of course, by the time we had made the trip from Speed Queen back to the Eating Milwaukee Impromptu Dining Hall, had our food unpacked and our appetites strung out like a truck stop hooker, we discovered that either Jim or Andy's dinner was missing. It was the sort of feeling one gets when one trusts a tele-marketer that they really and truly have an important message for you. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Andy and I drove back to Speed Queen, after calling them, to pick up our purloined provisions. 

 I would have looked for some sort of admission of guilt, other than offering to toss out the meal they had forgotten to place in our bag and replacing it with a fresh one. I used to have to comp entire meals at a restaurant I waited tables at because the kitchen took ten minutes too long... and that was when the guests were eating in! I'm not a schmuck, and I don't like exploiting other people's mistakes, but having to have a customer drive back to the restaurant, regardless of distance, because of a mistake made by the staff is, plainly put, unacceptable. Never should a business feel it is in such a comfortable position as to alienate any of its customers: treat every customer like they're your most important. No matter how good your product is, it is ultimately your service that will make or break you. This is too easy to forget, and too essential to let slide.

We finally got our dinner in its entirety, and set about to consume this massive feast:

The Mac & Cheese was delightful, if not a little gritty from the roux used to thicken the cheese sauce. It was cheesy, well seasoned, and had a nice kick of cayenne that I love so much about soul food. While not the sort of dish I think I could eat an entire meal of, it was a nice, cheesy compliment to the sweet, tangy barbecue.

The Red Beans and Rice were tasty, but lacked a certain kind of punch I guess I adore from the dish. I look for a deep, smokiness from pork hocks or Andouille sausage, and ours was well seasoned, it just lacked a certain depth of flavor that I've come to expect.

The yams were a complete shock for me. Richly spiced, sweet, buttery, sugary, and salty all at the same time: and not a mini marshmallow to be found. I have a new favorite side dish. 

Our cornbread muffins had the texture of what I'd imagine freeze dried pears to be: light, airy, dry and gritty. The cornbread flavor was there, all right, but they were completely devoid of any moisture, and I resorted to slathering them in butter, which is, of course, not a bad thing. Warmed and with butter they were edible, but certainly not a high point. 

The 'cue, however, was a different story entirely.

My tips were fantastic. Despite having to maneuver around the bone tips, the meat was tender, incredibly smoky, well-sauced, and even crispy in places. I rarely had a piece of pork that was the least bit fatty or laden with connective tissue. They were surprisingly meaty, and really a nice alternative to stand-alone ribs.

The beef brisket was a resounding success as well. Lightly smoked, but intensely "beefy," with the day-glo orange-red sauce slathered over top, this was quite possibly the biggest surprise of the meal. While a little dry, and just a bit tough, the texture was a nice match for the thick, sweet sauce and spongy white bread lurking beneath.

And then I tasted the Outside.

The best way I can describe it is by asking you to watch this short video:

It will be different for you than it was for me. I relished the chewiness, becoming ecstatic when my canines sunk into tender meat, and nearly intoxicated when I hit crunchy, crispy pieces which were smoked and basted into submission. This is what I want my barbecue to be.

While the sauce definitely had some bite to it, the Outside actually seemed spicier on its own... was it a rub? Or the intense smoke flavor? All of the above? It really doesn't matter, because the Outside is quite obviously some of the best Speed Queen has to offer, and I would have no qualms about making the trip again exclusively for it.

The sauce itself is sort of a quagmire: sweet, tangy, with a spice that kept making me think of Chinese Five-Spice. I've heard some people describe it as Sweet & Sour sauce, and some say that it combined with the ribs tastes like Char Siu. I'm not sure I'd go that far, but it certainly isn't the thick, murky, molasses-colored stuff we're used to from the condiment isle at Sendik's. Bright, clean, and complimentary: I didn't taste the sauce on the meat as much as the meat plus the sauce, which I think is how it should be.

I think part of my initial disdain for the folks that look at Speed Queen like a Anthropology exhibit at the Field Museum comes from my own fear of appropriating Black culture: with everything mainstream white society has assimilated in the past two centuries, I didn't want to be seen as some sort of interested but uninvolved bystander, the role some of my fellow citizens seem to favor these days (just read some of the scornful comments on NewsWatch items on JSOnline). I don't want to be a tacky tourist, I just love good barbecue. When you allow yourself to reach that conclusion, and understand that barbecue doesn't belong to just one race, or one creed, one social or economic group, you can actually enjoy it. Food is an awesome equalizer in this way: everyone, no matter Black or White, Asian, Hispanic, or man or woman, straight or gay, or anything in between, loves good food.

So, let's drop the pretense here, Milwaukee. Go eat at Speed Queen. Get yourself some Outside, and enjoy the hell out of it. Just make sure you check your order thoroughly  before you leave for home, and don't say I didn't warn you...

Report Card:

Atmosphere: C

Speed Queen is not going to win any design awards. The lobby, counter, and dining area are all utilitarian, no frills.  There is really nothing about the dining room that would compel you to stay there and eat, which I think might explain the large amount of take-out business they do. 

Prices: B+

The portion-to-price ration is above average, and the quality is outstanding. I wouldn't call Speed Queen a value, but it certainly doesn't break the bank. Our entire bill, including five dinners, four pint sides, one small side, and a sandwich came to about $80. 

Service: D

Sorry guys, but forgetting items in the order on two separate visits shows there's some opportunity for growth in the kitchen. Everyone was nice enough, but the customer shouldn't have to double-check to make sure their own order is complete. 

The Food: B

Some bright shining amazing spots (Outside), some tasty surprises (Beef Brisket, Mac & Cheese, Yams), and some turkeys (the cornbread). Take the good with the bad. It's not called Speed Queen Cornbread, it's Speed Queen Bar-b-q, for Pete's sake. 

The Details:

Speed Queen Bar-B-Q

1130 W. Walnut St. 

Milwaukee, WI 53205

(414) 265-2900

Website with menu and pricing available here. 

Bangkok House; or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Spice

I had to drive around a little while after tonight's dinner: there was a lot to process through. This has been the hottest day in Milwaukee so far, with temps maxing out at 85°, and that always brings out the crazy in all of us. Look no further than the antics down on Lincoln Memorial Drive today. We're cooped up all winter, survive spring in spurts of warmth and cold, and all of a sudden, the heat hits, and we're all exploding like Jiffy-Pop.

It is in these odd, immediate moments of change that I kind of find myself a little lost, and one of my favorite past times is to look at my beloved city as if I were a visitor... what would Milwaukee look like if I weren't a native?

So, tonight, I drove. With my delicious Thai dinner settling, I went down Howard to the Lake, meandering under big old Maples and Oaks, through Milwaukee, through Bay View, through St. Francis. I looked out over the lake and watched the planes lined up like a short string of Christmas lights, smelled woodsmoke from backyard fires, and as I headed South on S. Lake Drive, I smelled coal from factories, bacon from Cudahy, laundry soap, wet grass, and lake water. I was a foreigner. It was beautiful.

I have an obsession with feeling all at sea, it takes me out of my routine, things are exciting, different, so distant from the grind that we all face every day. In my work, I've become almost burnt out with tragedy, and when tragedy becomes routine, you need to find an escape.

I think that's why we started Eating Milwaukee; it's a way to be that famed "Tourist in Your Own Town." We can go to a restaurant we've never been to, or maybe one we've been to over and over again  (ahem, Tandoor), and live outside of our lives for a little while. It's like taking a vacation for a few hours.  Food is such a glorious reminder of culture, such an intimate way of sharing, that you can't help but love the effect a good meal can have on a bad day. Or, for that matter, how an amazing meal can elevate an already great day.

So, tonight, we went to Bangkok House.

Located in a strip mall (Hmm... Asian cuisine, strip mall, awesomeness... anyone see a trend?) at the corner of E. Layton Ave. and So. Whitnall, Bangkok House is, to say the least, unassuming. In fact, if you didn't see the very plain channel lettering above the front entrance, you would probably never even know it's there. Which of course would make you very, very foolish indeed. Because you would be missing out on a certain gem of a meal.

One thing you'll notice right away about Bangkok House is the décor. It is lush, clean, and elegant. Chandeliers hang from the drop ceiling, and busy floral drapes adorn the windows. This is NOT your average Thai joint. Even the bathrooms are well appointed and immaculate.

During the week, there is a wonderful lunch buffet:

which I highly recommend, and what's even more is that everything on the buffet, as far as I can tell, is offered on the regular dinner menu. This way, you have the opportunity to try a vast number of dishes, and be armed with your favorites and impress the hell out of your friends when you go for dinner next.

Our bubbly, talkative waitress seated us, and immediately took our cloth napkins out of our water glasses and filled 'em up. This, of course, was foreshadowing of the heat to come.

The menu at Bangkok House is extensive, and perhaps the most exciting part of it is that there are NO repeats. No cop outs, no "Chicken" section with the same dishes as the "Beef" and "Seafood" sections. Every page is filled with unique, individual selections, and most are available with your choice of chicken, beef, or pork.

Having already established the supremacy of Chicken Satay, we ordered some for an appetizer, as well as an order of Thai Beef Jerky, which we had become familiar with on our outing to the delightful Mekong Café.

The Thai Beef Jerk came with a nice garnish of carrot strings, and a sweet and sour chili dipping sauce:

The Chicken Satay, oh glory of glories, was served with two different dipping sauces: one a light, sweet cucumber-perfumed sauce, and the other, a thick, robust peanut sauce:

You may notice something here: as often as we've ordered Chicken Satay, we've never had one with the grill included! Part dinner theatre, part do-it-yourself-cooking, the point is that the chicken is fully cooked and ready to eat, but you get to put the finishing touches on it at your table, letting it char, sizzle, and smoke while all the tables around you get insanely jealous. Does it make the chicken taste any better? Sure, it adds some flavor. But it is fantastic drama, making the food interactive. It's like flambé, except far less lame. 

The beef jerky was sublime. Crispy on the outside, amazingly tender on the inside, perfectly marinated and spiced. And the sauce! Lots of Sriracha mixed in made it hot, but never overwhelming. I could have made a meal of it. 

After grilling our chicken for a while,

I was finally able to dig in. The chicken was so, so tender. You'd think being essentially twice-cooked would make it tough, but it was divine. The marinade, consisting of curry spices and coconut milk, was strong and to the core of the meat. The flavor was truly new to me, and I loved every tender, chickeny moment of it.

The sauces were equally wonderful, with the lighter, sweeter one being a nice harmony, while the thick, rich peanut sauce elbowing its way through to the top of the flavor profile. It was actually a lot of fun to switch off between the two, from soothing, easy-listening to raging death metal and back again. 

Which is one reason why I love Thai food so much: it's all about the contrast. So much is delicate coconut versus strong basil, or lilting lime butting heads with brassy curry. Soft, comforting noodles and crunchy peanuts and fish sauce. In one dish, there can be all of these flavors, all bouncing around like the balls in a lotto machine, and still, it all just works beautifully. 

We also ordered soup... which actually came out before the appetizers. Andy had Tom Yum Goong, which is a spicy, clear hot and sour soup with shrimp:

While Lauren, Sonja, and I had Tom Kha Gai, a creamy, luscious soup with coconut milk, straw mushrooms and chicken (or veggies, in Sonja's case):

Andy's soup was a scorcher. But big, bright citrus flavors of lime juice and lemongrass, and a nice, initial flame-out in the back of your throat. 

Our soup was peerless. Creamy, but not at all viscous, with big chunks of straw mushrooms and chicken:

It was the general consensus that, when we came back for the lunch buffet, we would eat nothing but the soup (since, luckily for us, it's featured daily!). Creamy coconut, fresh, herby cilantro, scallion, lime... soothing and still slightly spiced. Do not... and I repeat... DO NOT MISS THIS SOUP. 


Time for our entrées!

Andy ordered Pud Prig Khing (chicken with stringbeans with lime leaves in a chili ginger sauce):

 Lauren ordered the unfortunately named Pud Baby Corn (beef with baby corn and mixed veggies in a brown, oyster sauce):

Sonja ordered the tradition Pud Thai:

And I ordered Massaman Curry (chicken with potatoes and carrots in a thick, coconut-based curry gravy):

All of our dinners, except for Sonja's (which already had noodles), were served with Thai Jasmine rice.

Andy's chicken with lime leaves and string beans was hot at spice level three, but not unbearable. Crazy flavors, salty, sweet, and hot, with each hunk of chicken coated in a sort of sauce-paste, and the whole conglomeration bathed in chili oil. Amazing.

Lauren's beef with baby corn was equally delightful. The sauce spicing was more staid at one-and-a-half (or, One Plus, or Two Minus, on Andy's spicing scale), but had that rich dark oyster flavor.

Sonja's Pud Thai was a perfect execution, with the noodles taking all of the saltiness of the fish sauce, combined with the acidity of lime, and softness of egg, and the crunch of peanuts and dried shrimp.

My curry was delightful. Spiced perfectly and one-and-a-half, with tender chunks of chicken and potato, slices of onion and carrot, and a thick, creamy coconut gravy. The flavor profile wasn't new to me (similar to Macanese Portuguese Sauce, which I don't have a good link for, or even Japanese Golden Curry), but I do love the coconut milk, and the potatoes and carrots make it hearty and homey.

Easily one of the best Thai food experiences I've had, I can't say enough about the quality of our meal. Everything had a sense of care and craft to it, and I have absolutely no qualms about talking Bangkok House up to both Thai food fanatics and newbies alike. Our server was helpful and fast, funny and accommodating, and our food was spot on. It was the perfect Out-Of-Milwaukee experience: we could have easily been in Los Angeles, or Seattle, or New York, or D.C., and nothing would have been amiss. This is why I love dining out. And this is why we keep eating, and keep writing... finding retreats from reality like Bangkok House makes Mondays (and Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, and Thursdays, and Fridays, and every other weekend) just that much more bearable.

Report Card:

Atmosphere: B+

Sometimes, I almost wonder how the country-club interior and fabulous authentic food came together to form this one restaurant, but I certainly can't argue with success. Clean, well lit, and just a little odd, but a refreshing change of pace from some other Disneyland Asian restaurants we've been to.

Prices: B

Entrées will run you between $9 and $19, depending on your tastes. This alone is reasonable. Our soups were about $2.50, but our appetizers were a little on the pricey side, about $8 each. But, you get to grill at your table, so I guess it all evens out in the end. Can you put a price on pyromania?

Service: A

Fast, helpful, friendly. What else can you ask for? Besides a floor show?

The Food: A/A+

We all agreed: spectacular. Each and every dish is unique and interesting, you'll be looking forward to coming back long before your food even arrives, because there were ten different items on the menu you want to try. Absolutely delicious. 

The Details:

Bangkok House Restaurant

4896 S. Whitnall Ave.

Milwaukee, WI 53235

(414) 482-9838

Awesome website with full menu (with up-to-date prices!) available here.

Maria's Pizza: The Quintessential Milwaukee Experience

I really owe the folks at Maria's an apology: on Friday, February 12th of this year, we visited, ate, laughed, took all of our obnoxious pictures, and I told the owner that the review would be posted in a week.

Well, dear readers, you're probably all familiar with how Eating Milwaukee goes on hiatus from time to time, so this shouldn't be a surprise to you. But for the folks at Maria's, if you're out there, I'm sorry... this is a long, long time coming!

So, with my groveling aside, let's talk Pizza, shall we?

Everyone in this city has a favorite pizza. That's fine. I'm not here to tell you that your favorite should be Maria's, any more than I'm here to tell you that Coke is better than Pepsi, or that Toyotas probably shouldn't be on your to-buy list. I'll leave that to the more (annoying) opinionated folks in the media. No, my job is not to inform you of what your opinion should be, rather, give you some options you may not have considered. I'm sure Maria's should be on that list.

I'm a dyed-in-the-wool North Sider, having been born and raised in the venerable Washington Heights neighborhood  (a point I think I've belabored in previous reviews). However, now in my third year of South-Side living, I've had to leave my North Side ways behind. I've had to branch out. I don't order Marco's every week like I used to.

When I was young, pizza was a treat, and it never came from a chain. No, never Pizza Hut (my mom thought the crust was too greasy, I agree). No Dominos (I think we all agreed the old mascot was creepy, and yes, the crust did taste like cardboard), nor Papa John's, which wasn't even in town at that point. It came from little, hole-in-the-wall pizza places like Hups, or Pete's. Hups is apparently still in business, Pete's went defunct a long, long time ago, though I still have vivd memories of the dark, dank dining room on 74th and Capitol, the small, visible kitchen with the prominently featured sheeter, and the frosted red plastic drink glasses. Oh, the memories!

Well, all of that came flooding back the first time I ever went to Maria's. It's like Déjà Vu all over again. Bright, Googie-styled neon signs out front, red plaid vinyl table covers, wood-paneled walls festooned with religious paint-by-numbers paintings... it's all there. Granted, Pete's didn't have such an extensive collection of art, but that's why Maria's is better. Clearly.

The concept at Maria's is a simple one: either get your pizza to-go, or sit down, and plan on sharing some space in the dining room. This is not an elaborate system. Pizzas are ordered on the size system, which is to say, Huge, Gargantuan, and Oh-God-Is-That-What-We-Ordered. Expect that, with the popularity of the restaurant, you may have a little wait ahead of you before your food is served. That's okay, because it gives you time to appreciate the dense and ever-changing décor of the dining room. You can come back every day of the week, and you'll still feel like Howard Carter, unearthing a painting you didn't know was there. 

The pizza is served in the "Milwaukee Party-Cut Style," which is to say an anomalous, amoeba-shape pie cut into rectilinear slabs. I like this -- I've always thought round pizza cut into pie-slices seems a little hard to eat. I appreciate the tradition, I just don't adore it. No, I was raised on Party-Cut, and I relish the finer points of it. First, the slices are more manageably sized, and easier to pick up, should you want to forego the knife and fork approach. Second, they're easier to roll in a pizza-burrito should you be one of those who has to order every topping on the menu. Third, not every piece is an end-piece, which should please non-end-piece fans, and cause those who love the crust to sweat a little... you're now in competition with everyone else at the table for those few, proud outer slices!

We started our meal with an order of garlic bread, which really speaks for itself. 

Simple, but sublime. Crispy on the edges, chewy inside, with just enough butter and garlic to let you know it's there. Not swimming, not overly oily, not really anything crazy -- just traditional, done-right garlic bread. Nope, the main attraction here is the pizza. And oh, what a pie:

You may notice that the pizza is hanging off the edges of the pan. This was no in error. The "Large" tends to roam where it wants to, and usually this involves flopping over the sides of the half-sheet. This alone makes me love the pie. And we're not even to the tasting portion...

We ordered a large sausage, onion, mushroom -- straightforward, but such a classic combination. There is something about the way Maria's sausage comes together with their cheese blend, perfectly seasoned, never-too-sweet sauce, and crisp crust that just makes magic. Say what you will about thin crust pizza, but Maria's has the recipe, and I haven't found anything quite like it yet.

The crust is exceptional: cracker thin, super crispy around the edges, just a bit forgiving in the center. The flavor is perfect, with that little bit of deck-oven-doneness that takes a pizza from just, "eh," to "aha!" The sauce is perfectly well balanced, a little spice, a little tart, a little sweet, a little salty. But everything in moderation, yet there's enough of it so that you don't forget it. 

I will say, our 'shrooms were, I believe,  the canned variety, which always makes me think of a Pennsylvania Dutchman can that used to live in our pantry as a child. No one dared actually use it... the thought of brined, canned fungus always kind of freaked me out. Those limp, leathery slices of 'shrooms seemed so sad, so lifeless. I sort of wished that the mushrooms on our pizza were fresh, but I guess you can't argue with half a century of tradition. 

Which is really the crux of Maria's. We go there because the pizza is awesome, but I really believe we keep coming back because of the people. The owners have been there every time I have, running between the tables, doling out pizza, bread, and pitchers of soda like it's going out of style. They are a force of nature, and while I will spare you the back story on the restaurant (you'll have to go in and read the back of the menu for that, or better yet, ask!), it is a heartwarming tale that brought them to this point, although punctuated, as they always are, with adversity. 

And that's what makes Maria's such a jewel: a tiny, hole-in-the-wall pizza joint cranking out awesome pies the old-fashioned way, with no glitzy toppings, no hip soundtrack or décor (although I would be willing to bet we could call the dining room Hipster Chíc, which says something about youth culture...), and no pretense. 

I will keep coming back to Maria's, as long as they see fit to stay open (and with business the way it is, I can't imagine why they wouldn't!). I like eating at restaurants with great food, but I love it when that food is the restauranteur's passion, and their lifeblood, and I can't think of any establishment that better embodies this than Maria's. 

Report Card:
Atmosphere: A 

It's crowded, loud, chaotic, and an acid-soaked sea of color and paintings of the Christ. You'll absolutely love it or it'll drive you bonkers. I think it's wonderful.

Prices: A-

Prices for a large pie are pretty much in line with other family-run pizza places. 

Service: B

Being as busy as they are, don't be offended if you're not waited on hand-and-foot. You'll get your pie, just calm down.

The Food: A

Fantastic, true-t0-life Milwaukee pizza. If you're looking for one of the last of an era, Maria's is it!

The Details:

Maria's Pizzaria

5025 W. Forest Home Ave.

Milwaukee, WI 53219

(414) 543-4606